Longing to Belong
"When (human) meets an obstacle (s)/he can't destroy, (s)/he destroys (her)/himself." (Ryszard Kapuściński in his book "The Other")
I used to like reading English books that translated to Indonesian when I was not really confident with my English capacity as a foreign learner. Anyway, Ryszard Kapuściński was a Polish. He's a non-native English speaker either like me. His book was one of translated books that will be living forever not only in my brain (mind), but also soul and heart. I was a different person when I read it, but somehow I know it was me, the same me.
After few nights I tried slowly but surely to clean up my Instagram feed by archiving the old posts that no longer represent me; I recognize me. I am now a different person, but it was always me. There's something within me that made and makes me me. If I remember again what he said in his book, it was very frustrating, but true and deeply representing my struggle. Through his desperate journey of long traveling, he wrote this book. He tried to mirror and reflect his whiteness as a human, as a male man, into the self of others in the otherness based on the glasses of white social construction.
Somehow he didn't only talk about his white race, but also humaneness universally.
"All civilization have a tendency toward narcissism, and the stronger the civilization, the more clearly this tendency will appear. It spurs civilization into conflict with others, triggering their arrogance and lust for domination. This always involves contempt for Others."
Wherever I go, I experience what he experienced. Either I was among the people who called themselves as majority or minority, when they were homogenous among themselves, there's for sure the sense of arrogance and narcissim. No matter how hard they hid it, no matter how hard they voiced out tolerance and respect, no matter how hard they embraced the diversity among human race; this aptitude did and does exist.
Then, I notice that the longing to belong or softly most of people name it as the sense of belonging, nobody can really be able to fit it. Why? Because the spectrum of identity within oneself is colorful and diverse apart of diverse human beings on this earth. Later on, one of the parts of that identity is political identity which can shift and turn into barbaric identity politic. Everyone has identity, and everyone has interest. And to achieve this interest in their lives, they need art or strategy; and simply it's called as politic.
"Every one of us living on this planet is an Other in the view of Others — I am in their view, and they are in mine."
Most of the time I am uncomfortable with the word other. Why? Because in the entire of my life since I was born, my own biological parents saw me as their other. I never really knew and know their holistic and genuine love. This caused me trouble throughout my upbringing done by a stranger I called grandma. And the chain was and is endless (I am trying to cut it now). Bullying, brainwashing, suiciding, etc. You name it.
"It is the situation, the circumstances, the context, that decide whether we see a person as enemy or as partner at any given moment. The Other can be both of these, and that is the basis of (her)/his changeable, elusive nature, (her)/his contradictory behavior, whose motives (s)/he (her)/himself is sometimes incapable of understanding."
As it was aforementioned, I tried and try to cut the chain. How? By being aware and conscious of the context. Nothing's wrong to see The Other as the other, as long as the humanity breathes balancedly with humaneness (the narcissism and the arrogance). Basically, stereotype, prejudice, and stigma are the basic survival methods of human beings. By living our conscience, we can clarify these three animal defense skills.
I don't know, I want to close this piece with what Zon Jan said:
"Your self-love and self-respect must be stronger than your loneliness."
I guess I know why I quoted him. Pushing and forcing a(n) (intimate) relationship with The Other without likemindedness will trouble both sides and sooner or later the relationship along with the souls and bodies are dying. Respecting, loving, etc in term of the embrace and celebration of diversity have no link to coercion. It will turn destructive instead of constructive. Can we force a flower to bloom? Never ever.
