Stay Another Hour, Please…
"I said this to myself since few days ago: Stay another hour, please… Once I can make it, I try to extend another hour. And again. And again."
I guess this is the gentlest and most compassionate mechanism I can do for myself so far to ask the suicidal ghost that keeps invading my soul, body, mind, heart, and conscience.
I supposed to sleep at this hour right now, but I wanted to cry, but hard. Why? Because I have multiple reasons especially regarding to my waiting. I wish I could skip tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. So, if the plan B really should be executed, I could cry like Niagara Waterfall the whole day on Sunday. And hopefully after all I could continue my holiday and rest that I plan at least would be until 16th May 2021.
I really need to cry till I feel enough, but my eyes whispers, "Why should you cry? What for? The reason is not clear yet. The waiting might be still on going. But the dark clouds on top of you will be clear at least tomorrow, and latest the day after tomorrow. So, hold on…"
So, I light candle…
Sitting on my desk…
Talking to myself through this blog…
Playing my favorite musics that usually give me hope.
And letting my eyes fall their drizzle.
